I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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