That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my poor anus
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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