If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize