Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
