I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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