we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
