If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
