There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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