If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
