I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
