i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
