Sry I called you an 8
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
