Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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