To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
