it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
