pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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