Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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