her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
