I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
