So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
