so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
