Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
