i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
