my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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