pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
