My Higher Power is John Stamos
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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