We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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