is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
