why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
