Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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