so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
