We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
