make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
