Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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