Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
