is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
