are you still at the devil's house?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize