i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
