I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
