I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
