I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
