your thong is hanging out like whoa
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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