Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
