I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize