"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
