I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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