You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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