Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
