you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
