I love black thongs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
