PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
