im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
