oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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