no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
