uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
