found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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