I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
