On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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