no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
