for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
