I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
