Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize