I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
