Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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