This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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