I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
