tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
