All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
