when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
