I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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