you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
