She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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