i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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