WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
