Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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