The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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