I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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